Sometimes I wonder...why me?
In the past 10-12 years of my life I have lost COUNTLESS people that I love.
Not just people I knew...people I cared about...people that I loved...family& friends
I have never known anyone to experience so much death in their life.
I have almost become blank to it.
I almost expect to loose someone each year.
It really sucks.
The first experience I had with someone passing was when I was 15 years old.
A classmate and friend, Eric, was killed in a car wreck.
I had never had anyone I know and love pass away.
It was one of the roughest things I have ever had to experience.
I couldn't comprehend why someone so young had to die.
Then comes Jaime.
Jaime was my middle school best friend.
She moved to Texas and we kept in touch via MySpace (wow...myspace =D)
Her aunt sent me a message from her account one day and gave me Veronica's number (Jaime's mom) and asked that I please call her.
When I did, she broke the news.
Jaime, her unborn baby, and her boyfriend were killed in a car wreck by a drunk driver.
BAM!
Another one lost.
Then there were two.
Andrew & Mark
Car wreck.
I had been in school with both of them since Kindergarten
I wasn't necessarily in their social group...but I would still call them friends.
I got along with both of them extremely well and we did have classes together.
It was a shock...and affected everyone.
We were seniors...our lives were just beginning.
Then, my uncle Marion
Marion was my grandpapa's baby brother.
Lung cancer took him from us.
He was my favorite great uncle (don't tell anyone :p)
He always defended my free spirit and my individuality to my grandfather.
He had the BEST sense of humor and we always picked on each other
I loved him dearly.
Also, seeing how it affected my grandpapa...that added to the emotion.
Then...the most painful of them all.
My grandmother.
Parkinsons Disease...it's a bitch (pardon my language)
My grandmother was my VERY best friend and at times my only friend
She defended me, she talked to me, she encouraged me, she LOVED me
We did every thing together. EVERYTHING.
We had a weekly schedule...a plan.
Each day was something different
Oprah at 4 Monday-Friday
Oprah then Boiled Peanuts on Monday
Subway on Tuesday nights (after Oprah of course)
Church on Wednesdays then Arby's roast beef sandwich night
Walk at the community club on Thursdays
Out to eat with Mom and me on Fridays
Early morning wake up calls from me on Saturday (most of the time I would just go crawl in bed with her until she was ready to wake up) and she would always let me have as much coffee as I wanted while she cooked breakfast
Then an afternoon of iced tea and snacks on Sundays after church.
That was my childhood, my preteen years, and my teen years.
Every week.
She did everything with me and for me.
She would include me in it all.
Senior dinners at church, senior trips, Avon meetings, day trips with friends.
It was always Laurel & Lib...Lib & Laurel
People knew that if my Grandma Lib was doing it...to count Laurel in
She NEVER missed anything I ever did no matter how silly.
The bond I had with my grandmother was unbreakable.
It was one that others were jealous of
The love I had for her was beyond anything in this world.
I miss her every second of every single day.
Kade.
Army.
Killed during combat in Afghanistan.
Kade was an ex boyfriend of mine and still one of my VERY best friends.
He was a bus boy at Cracker Barrel in Arden when I met him
I ate there with my family one night and we CONSTANTLY stared at each other.
I gave the host my number and asked to give it to "the cute bus boy with bleach blonde hair and blue eyes"
...and he did...and Kade texted me.
We dated...not for a long time...but long enough for us to have a close bond.
We broke up and he got married before he deployed.
He was younger than me by a few years...so we were doomed pretty much
Although, we remained friends.
We talked every single day.
When he was in Afghanistan he would call me, we would Facebook, or email
I talked to him 7 hours before he was killed.
I remember the last things we said to each other.
He said "I'll talk to you later you little hippie...love you"
I said "you're an ass...I love you too"
Just like that...
...he was gone.
I answered the phone call from the hospital at my job...they said they were expecting a 'ship in' from the Army...when I had to ask his name and they said Christian Kade Warriner...I was destroyed.
Then my Felicia
Hit by a car when she was walking
Felicia was a work friend of mine
We shared the same love of all things hippie.
We were free spirits and had a carefree live and let live attitude
We instantly clicked when we met
We joked together...we cried together.
We were always getting separated for cutting up.
Her death was extremely unexpected and unplanned
It was hard
My little 'sister' Shelby
Car wreck
Shelby was my friend soul mate
Girls like her are few and far between
We met on the bus.
We lived just a few miles apart from each other
I took on the role as big sister to her
You mess with Shelby...you mess with me
I spent every single day after school with her until my grandmother or mom would pick me up from her house
We listened to music, talked about boys, watched MTV
I taught her all about high school and what to expect
We were inseparable
When she finally got to high school...we had EVERYONE convinced she was my little sister
Teachers, administration, students
It was a game that we enjoyed playing
I talked to her either by text or phone call EVERY single day up until the day she was taken from us
The last thing she said to me was "I love you hooker"
As silly as those four words are...they were the ones with the most meaning.
My Shelby. My sweet sweet Shelby.
Nina.
Old age.
Nina was a lady at my grandmothers church.
She has loved me since I was an infant.
She called me her favorite girl
I lived for the senior dinners and church when I could see her.
She was the sweetest and most caring woman
She loved me and followed me with everything I did.
She supported me and cared about me
She always loved buying me presents for Christmas and my Birthday.
She always had to know what I wanted.
She wanted to be sure she gave the best present to me :)
I loved her
Bill
Cancer
Bill was the husband of one of my mothers dear friends and a member of my church family
It was someone I had grown up knowing my entire life.
His daughter used to watch me a few times when I was younger.
His death affected me more than I thought it would.
He was the epitome of good man
He loved his family, he loved his church, and he loved people
He always made me laugh
I always loved his two daughters.
They were my role models growing up
I always wanted to look like them, dress like them, act like them
His wife, was a second mom to me at times.
I could tell her anything in my preteen years.
My heart broke for the family
A lot of my childhood years were spent with them
Kasi
Heart attack
My peace and my solace
Kasi was my 'peace' this summer
I was blessed to have met her and known her for the brief time I did
When I was having a bad day...or I was sad and someone hurt me
I could go in her office...close the door...and cry.
She understood me and gave me the advice that I needed to hear
Maybe not wanted to hear...but needed to
We joked around a lot about all sorts of things and she put me in my place when needed
She was very dear to me and ALWAYS questioned my taste in men :)
It was always "what do you see in him" "Laurel no no no he's not cute"
Almost daily I got that
I will miss her often.
Dwight
Cancer
Dwight was one of the nicest men that I have ever known
I grew up with him.
I was friends with all of his daughters at one time or another and am still friends with one of them
He loved god, he loved his friends, he loved his family, he loved people
He was not only one of the nicest like I said, but probably one of the greatest men I have ever known.
He touched a LOT of peoples lives and will be missed dearly by a multitude of people all over the world
Alisha
Ovarian Cancer
My sweet precious Alisha.
Alisha left us this morning.
Alisha was the STRONGEST person that I have ever known
She conquered obesity and touched HUNDREDS of lives with her journey.
We worked together first...and we bonded instantly
She became one of my closest and dearest friends
I could tell her EVERYTHING and she NEVER judged me
She would joke about it and laugh about it
NO decision I ever made was stupid.
She loved me for who I was and didn't need me to change to fit her lifestyle
We were both spitfires so we disagreed at times...but the disagreement would last a total of 25 seconds and be done.
I talked to her EVERY single day.
Email, text, phone call...even if it was just a minute.
Just letting her know I cared...or her letting me know she cared.
We loved to trade clothes, purses, jewelry
She always called me her personal stylist
:)
Her family accepted me and loved me just as much as she did
Her other friends were always happy to meet me because they heard so much about me
My heart hurts
I was fortunate enough to spend some time with her family yesterday at the hospital and went back to see her.
All I could tell her was that I loved her and I would see her on the flip side.
RIP to all of those that I have loved
They have all impacted me in ways that have forever changed me
I will see you ALL again some day
Tell those near you that you love them...you may not get another chance
xoxo
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